Deep Breath.
So I took the tests as I was told. The first two, Communicator Anxiety
and Listening Style, were pretty in tune with what I think of myself. Then I
took the Verbal Aggressiveness test. I scored very high. Blew my mind. The
questions were about attacking people – I do not believe I attack people. The
idea makes my tummy turn. {its why I get so stressed out during election years}
I had a strong reaction to these
results.
I admit, I have the thoughts of
verbal aggressiveness but I keep my mouth shut and don’t say the things out
loud. I retreat into my head – a safe place – if you will.
But when I talked to my mom about it she said it seemed pretty accurate
and that I get myself in to trouble because I have a “sharp tongue.” Again,
blew my mind. What? That’s not true. So many conversation I have include the
following exchange: I will say, “I was
like ____” the other person goes, “Omygosh! Did you say that?” and I end with, “No
way, of course not.”But as per usual with moms, she was right. Well to a point because I’ve been crazy wrestling
with this all week and I am still not sure I have reached a
conclusion/understanding.
I began to think about it. And I think I must have some kind of fuse
that after it reaches a certain point, I can no longer keep it in and I say bad
things. Perhaps I have had these
experiences in that past but don’t remember them so I have learned but don’t
remember learning. I don’t say anything. I avoid talking to others because I am
afraid of what I’ll say. The Thumper Rule I call it --“If you can’t say nothin’
nice Don’t say nothin’ at all” It is as
if I have two dialogues – the dialogues I imagine having that would wreak great
havoc and the actual dialogue that comes out of mouth. I would hope that people would tell me that I
hurt their feelings and then I could work to correct it.
I just realized that maybe I confuse courage to speak up with meanness?
The thing this is – I don’t think or feel I am being aggressive. I know I can
be sarcastic and that is not always received
well. I am at a loss for figuring this one out. I will definitely be on the
lookout in future interactions for verbal aggressiveness. I do think that I sometimes
tell the truth too much and that has gotten me into trouble but I don’t think I’m
being aggressive. I don’t know. I’m kinda freaking out.
*side note: every time I have written aggressive I have spelled it out
in my head with the cheer, “Be Aggressive. B –E-A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E”! *end side
note
I have to give you props on being able to voice your opinions and stand up for what you believe in because I am not one of those people and I sometimes get ran over by people. Great Post!
ReplyDeleteKoni,
ReplyDeleteI understand your distress, only I was on the other side of the fence - I was afraid that others saw me as more aggressive than I would like to be. I think I tend to share some of your plight but, with age and practice I am a much more level headed communicator. I used to be very volitile (at least that is how I perceived myself) but over the years, life has shown me the person I am and the Lord has shown me the person He wants me to be. Don't stress excessively! Just like with any other maloty recognition is the first step to improvement!
(I'm so glad I'm not the only one that chants while I'm writing... B-e-a-u-ti-ful!)
Hi Koni, Great post! Very honest... just like you strive to be! In most situations my verbal aggressiveness is moderate... right where I want it to be. However, when I am speaking about something with which I am passionate, and when I sense that others have power over me in the situation... I am tested. I can sense my verbal aggressiveness rising. Then I have to stop and ask myself.... "What is the goal of this conversation? Is it to prove that I am right and someone else is wrong? Is it to insist that others understand and move forward with competence?" When the goal of the conversation is to create a sustainable relationship in order to enact positive change, it is best to take it slowly... speak carefully, be patient, and above all remain respectful. You can attract more flies with sugar than with vinegar. Outcomes are always better when collaboration nurtured and maintained... it is a very selfless act.... and not always easy for me to adhere to. Nice post. Thanks you.
ReplyDeleteKoni,
ReplyDeleteMy verbal aggressiveness test score was high also. I do not agree with that. I can't imagine attacking someone. That is totally out of my character. I can't understand how that score is accurate when the learning style profile test says I am empathetic and concerned with the emotions others. They seem to be contradicting each other. I really enjoyed reading your post. Your honesty really touched me.