In 25 years of life I have been involved in
conflict. In some way. More often than I
not I try to be as small as possible so I will not be dragged into conflict. I’m
an escapist to the core (O’Hair & Wiemann, 2012). I realisize this is an unproductive
way to be. Allow me to refer you to yet another Harry Potter quote, “Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse
when you finally feel it” (Rowling, 2000). So I know it is better to deal with conflict
as it happens but still this is not my instinct.
Working
on this week’s assignment it took a lot of thinking and help for me to come up
with a solution. My
imaginary world self wanted to just kick Mr. Little and his gang out of town
and say, “Go use another library”!
But alas that would not be real life. In the end my friend helped me see
compromise. Then I had to convince myself that this was not catering to Mr.
Little’s backward thinking. I am good at finding the compromise in other people’s
conflicts but not my own. Anyways….
This week
I reflected on my work related conflicts. I started thinking that when I had to
engage with the admin I wanted to come across as both, sweet and confident.
Like I wanted to feel like I was “equals” with them but I also wanted them to
see me as someone to take care of. I’m a
pretty self aware person. I would talk about myself to explain my thoughts etc.
and sometimes it would lead to trouble. I guess I’m not good at working with
those higher up than me. Hopefully I will be better in my next job. [not gonna
lie – I am dreading the future job hunt]
Ok so strategies…this is hard because I often
block out past conflicts so I even though I know I’ve had them and strategies,
recalling them is harder than I expected. Allright one thing I like to do is
have a mediated
meeting. So many times people twist words or
misunderstand or get super emotional and it disrupts the process of problem
solving. I like mediators because they are an objective witness. I also like to write things
down ahead of
time. I was thinking recently about how this action may come off as cowardly. [
you know, every one communicates differently] But I think its good because it
keeps the angry passion away. It keeps me from straying off point. It helps me
stay calm because I am not under pressure having to come up with thoughts on
the spot. I wish more people took time to write down their thoughts and reasons
when coming to a meeting.
As I
mentioned I am terrible at conflict. I enjoyed this week because it forced me
out of my comfort zone and to think about how can I integrate what I am
learning into my regular life.
Hey Koni... I understand your apprehension regarding the job hunt... It is so dependent upon communication. (So you ever wish you could show people what it is you do professionally?) After jumping through about 1000 hopes I finally managed to complete updates for my NM Teacher Licensure and certified teacher application at our local school district. That was all completed about 2 weeks ago, with the intent of attaining a public school teaching position for the 2013-14 school year. But yikes! Beginning on Friday of last week 3 separate schools called me to come in for interviews. With 2 interviews per school that meant 6 interviews just this week alone! Well I am so glad to be taking this communication class right now!! As the speaker/listener, I have been able to apply what we have learned. I have been able to assess others in the room during my interviews, by observing their communication techniques. All three positions have been offered to me, and I will make a final decision on Monday. What we have learned thus far in this class, is highly applicable and will help me make a decision for Monday.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that you have identified some strategies that seem to work for you.. a third side mediator, and writing your thoughts before saying them. That makes sense to me.
And, again, the quote you've used from Harry Potter... "Numbing the pain for awhile will make it worse when you finally feel it" (Rowling, 2000). Sounds like the typical motivation for and consequences of alcohol and drug abuse, and certainly an escapist technique. Taking on conflicts as they arise takes courage, with the results of such engagement improving with practice. So practice with some little conflicts and go from there. :-)
I think it great that you focuson situations as they occur and try to deal with them accordingly. I have to say that I am guilty of just letting things build up and up until I finally just explode because I have hit my limit, that is something I definetely have to work on. It sounds like you have some great strategies, I especially like having a mediator it can make a world of difference especially when your dealing with parents.
ReplyDeleteHaving a mediator is a wonderful idea and we use this approach a lot at work. When we have meetings with parents, especially if it is about something serious, we got in with two people, so that there is a mediator and someone to assist if emotions run too high. I am also an avoider of conflicts and I think this has been the hardest thing for me with my newer management position because I feel like everyday is a new conflict or situation to be solved. I do like it but some days it is just exhausting!!!
ReplyDeleteKoni,
ReplyDeleteGood statement that you feel everyone should write down all their thoughts and reasons when coming to a meeting. By doing this one can prevent emotions from getting in the way and statemens being made that can later cause hurt.